grandpa's funeral

My sweet Grandpa, A.C. Stadtmueller, passed away on December 22nd.  He had been battling bladder cancer for 4 years (diagnosed shortly after Grandma died in November 2015), and after 11 surgeries and two rounds of chemo, he was finally done.  

Grandpa had been staying with Aunt Lori and Uncle Dean on and off when he was having surgeries and during recovery times, but was back in Saint George for his second round of chemo.  The chemo made him so incredibly weak, and since Aunt Kathy and Uncle Donn were living with Grandpa while their new home was being built, they were able to help take care of him.  He fell one night walking to the restroom, and thankfully Kathy was able to help him get up and into bed.  They worried that he might have broken his hip because it was so painful for him to walk :/  I think later that same day, or the next, he fell again, but this time Kathy and Donn couldn't help him up.  They called the ambulance and it took 8 guys to help him off the floor (he was between the bed and the wall) and onto the stretcher.  When he arrived at the hospital, he was dehydrated and had, indeed, cracked his hip bone. He also had a Urinary Tract Infection, so i'm sure he was feeling terrible. 

The doctor hoped that the crack would heal on its own, but since he was already in the hospital and couldn't leave until he could get to the bathroom on his own, they decided to do his next chemotherapy treatment. Kathy had called the VA rehab hospital to inquire about space, and they said they had a bed available for him.  Well, the doctors were taking forever to discharge Grandpa, and by the time they did, the bed was taken.  So, Kathy found him another spot at a rehab facility close to their home. Looking back, this was a tender mercy because it allowed Kathy to spend a lot of time with him the next few days, and the VA rehab facility would have been a 45 minutes drive from their home.

Grandpa was doing really well with his recovery, and was working hard in physical therapy every day.  My mom talked to me about how proud she was of his fighting spirit, but his system was so worn down.  The nurse called Kathy on Saturday morning to let her know that they were taking Grandpa to the hospital.  He was having a hard time breathing, and his blood pressure was off. He was diagnosed with pneumonia, and the doctor told Kathy that he was ready to go.  He advised her that they needed to let him go and start making final preparations. 

Kathy went right to the hospital, then called my Mom so she would have a chance to talk to Grandpa. I am sure this was a pretty emotional conversation. I can't imagine being far away and having to say goodbye over the phone.  On Sunday morning, they took him off the medication and he was gone within an hour. My Mom called me that afternoon when we were in Flower Mound for dinner. I walked out of the room to talk with her since I knew things were rocky with Grandpa, but I wasn't expecting her to tell me that he had passed away. It hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. I knew I would be sad, but I really just felt SO much sadness, especially hearing the hurt in my Mom's voice. I'm sure there's a strange sense of finality when both your parents are gone.  

I am so thankful for our knowledge of the plan of salvation and that families can be together forever, but it's still a grieving process. I knew that I wanted to be at the funeral, so I started looking at flights that night.  Kevin was super supportive of me going, even when it cost $700 for my ticket!  He couldn't come because he was doing his yearly inventory on Friday and Saturday, but he assured me that we would figure out childcare so I could go.  Bev was amazing and offered to come take care of the kids, even though Robert and Tom were still at her house. I originally thought I could just get a babysitter, but since Kevin wouldn't be home till close to midnight on Friday (and I was leaving at 5 AM), we decided that was just too much.  Bev felt the same thing, and really made me feel like it wasn't a big deal and that she was happy to come stay with the kids.  I appreciated that SO much so that I could just go and enjoy the time with family and remembering my Grandpa.

I flew into Salt Lake City on Friday at 10 AM, just 30 minutes before my parents arrived.  Uncle Dean was awesome enough to pick us up, and shuttle us up to Wyoming. He even packed a lunch :)  It was fun to catch up on random stuff during the 4 hour drive, and I thoroughly enjoyed looking out the window and seeing everything covered in snow.  I hadn't been to Wyoming since 7th grade (1997), so it was really kind of emotional to be back.  My grandparents loved Star Valley, and it only seemed fitting to be back in his honor. 

Uncle Dean even humored me and stopped along the side of the road to take a picture next to the huge snowbanks. My kids have never seen snow, so I knew they would be impressed with the tall banks. 

Mom jumped out to take my picture, and then we snagged a selfie together.  She told me several times during the weekend how grateful she was that I made it to the funeral.  Jeffrey obviously couldn't come since he lives in Singapore, and Kimberly couldn't come with her two little girls, so I was happy to be the extra support to Mom.  Dad was a support to Mom, and was always really good at calling Grandpa and checking in on him, but I think there's something special about having your daughter there with you.  Or at least I told myself that, haha.

Since we arrived in Star Valley before everyone else, we took some time to drive over to the temple grounds.  I had never seen the temple, and it was pretty amazing to see that their beloved Star Valley had its very own temple.

It was so dang cold (like 12 degrees), but it was bearable in small doses. Mom and I were the only ones that walked around, and I even ventured into the snow banks to get a good picture of Mom.  It's a good thing I was wearing rubber boots!

When Aunt Lori made it up with Parker, we headed over to the condos to hang out.  Look how cute they were...

Did I mention how freezing it was??  I don't think I have ever really seen my Dad wear a jacket, but thankfully he came prepared with a new coat. He said he felt like a marshmallow, but I thought he looked cute :)

I was the total out-of-towner that was taking pictures of the icicles and snow flurries, haha.

We hung out for a bit with everyone in the condo, then met up with the Nimmer crew at Pizza Hut. (The restaurant options were VERY limited!)  The service was terrible, but it gave us a good 2 hours or more to chat, wait for our pizza, and eventually eat. I can't even remember the last time I saw Aunt Kathy, Uncle Donn, and their kids Brittany (and family), Eric, and Adam. I know that I haven't seen Brittany's oldest daughters since they were probably 2 and 3, so it was super fun to hang out with them and chat about what things they are into.  One of Brittany's twin boys (Carter) was a sweetheart and kept giving me hugs and wanting to talk to me about his scooter tricks and his favorite things.  It made me miss my kids and wish that I could introduce my babies to my extended family.

Throughout this whole trip, I felt such gratitude for the blessing of family.  We rarely get to see each other, but the love and bonds are still there. As we left Pizza Hut, the snow flurries were coming down and temperatures were dropping!  We made it safely back to our condo, got ready for bed, and my Dad and I listened to Mom as she read over her remarks for the funeral.  She had such a beautiful spirit about her as she spoke, and I was so proud of her ability to write such clear and beautiful memories in the face of her heartache with losing her Dad.  She had such a special bond with him, and I knew that the funeral was going to be emotional. We needed our rest, but I don't think any of us slept all that well.  It's hard to quiet your mind when you have so many thoughts going through your head. But, we all made it up on time and since I had to take a cold shower, I was wide awake.  Talk about cold Star Valley water.  It's a good thing I wasn't planning on washing my hair, haha.

Once we were ready, Dad gave Mom such a beautiful priesthood blessing and I felt peace knowing that Grandpa was going to be there in spirit with us all day. I admire my parents so much, and it was truly a tender moment to be there with them during that experience.  Something about having this quality time with them made me truly reminisce about my childhood and the love and security I always felt with my parents. Look how cute they are :)

Mom offered to take one of Dad and I, and I love having this sweet picture.  I also love the snow covered tree and sun coming up on the horizon.

As soon as we pulled into the church parking lot, we saw the hearse and funeral directors. They had the back open and were getting ready to take the casket into the church. It's such a weird feeling knowing that the casket contained the body of my Grandpa, but thankfully I know that his spirit is already in heaven with our Heavenly Father, our Savior, his sweet wife. and many others who have passed on before him. 

Kathy and Lori brought items from his home to decorate a table in the foyer, and each one had a special significance. The long frame hung over their bed and had old pictures of each of their children.  (My mom really wants that frame, so I hope she gets it.)  I also loved this picture of my grandparents outside their home with snow-covered trees. I have no idea when it was taken, but I'm guessing at least 15 years ago.

Uncle Dean brought Grandpa's fishing basket, which holds SO many memories for me.  We used to go to Wyoming every summer, and we would always go fishing at least once.  Grandpa was a great fisherman, but was always patient with us grandkids as he baited our hooks, untangled our lines, and prepared the fish for us. 

I especially loved seeing this painting of Grandpa as a young man during his time serving our country. He served in Vietnam, Korea, and Alaska.  

Kathy also brought up his barber kit from Saint George.  He cut hair for years, and always had one of his neighbors coming down the lane for a haircut.  I'm pretty sure he has cut everyone's hair in our family, but he would for sure cut Dad and Jeffrey's hair every time we visited. It was especially fun to see because I have been cutting Colby and Kevin's hair for the past year or so and I like feeling that connection to Grandpa. I have memories of his barber shop downstairs with the aqua barber chair, floral wallpaper, large circle mirror on the wall, and the colorful chairs that lined the wall. There was a definite smell in the room, which I will probably never be able to explain. Not a bad smell, just a different smell...maybe a combination of aftershave and being in the basement?

The funeral home had also put together a picture slideshow with the pictures Kathy submitted.  Within about 10 seconds I was crying.  There was great variety of pictures, but as I saw images from his childhood to recent images, I was overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude for his long life and for all the memories I shared with him.  Those summer visits were some of my fondest childhood memories, and although I saw them only 1-2 weeks a year, I had a strong bond with them.  They would call every Sunday and my mom would update them on all of us.  I spoke to Grandma and Grandpa during lots of those phone calls, and I knew that they loved and cared about all the details of my life.

As an adult, I wasn't always great about consistently calling them, but I knew that my Mom kept them abreast of what was going on in my life, and I knew that they were praying for me when I was facing trials. I wish everybody had grandparents as great as I did!

A lot of my Mom's cousins came to the funeral, as well as one of her aunts, and it was great to reconnect with them as we waited for the funeral to start.  Mom asked if I was ready to go in and see Grandpa, and I wasn't sure that I was.  The open casket kind of freaks me out, especially taking pictures of the decreased, but I knew that I needed to go in.  When I saw Grandpa's body, it brought a lot of emotions, but they weren't exactly feelings of sorrow. They were deep feelings of love for the man we were there to honor.  I just wished that I could have hugged him one more time.  My Mom wanted a few pictures with the casket, so I took a few for her.  Someone offered to take one of the both of us, and although I feel that they're a little creepy, I did it because I didn't want to make anyone feel bad for wanting similar pictures.

I love that they had the flag draped over the casket, truly honoring his service to this country.

I thought Grandpa looked pretty good, which is something I was worried about.  I didn't want an image of him not looking well as the image that was engrained in my mind.

I took a quick one of Mom and Dad, and then it was time for the family prayer.  Uncle Dean gave a beautiful prayer, and then we had our final chance to say goodbye.  I approached the casket with Mom and Dad, and I decided to touch Grandpa's hand.  I am crying as I write this because it was truly a tender moment.  I hadn't planned on touching him, but as I laid my hand on top of his, I again felt a flood of love fill my heart.  He was such a special person to me, and I used to always hold his hand or lay my head on his chest when I talked with him or swung on their porch swing together. It didn't feel creepy or weird to have my hand on his, but instead felt familiar and comforting.  Like he wasn't actually far away at all.

As we entered the chapel, I was a little surprised at the lack of friends there, but we had a huge group of family members, so that was the most important part.  (I don't think the email to ward members got out on time, and a lot of their old friends have also passed away.)  I was nervous for the funeral to start because my Mom had asked me to give the opening prayer.  My emotions were high, but I felt like if my Mom could speak at her Dad's funeral, I could certainly say a prayer.  Well, as soon as I started the prayer and said that I was grateful that we could be together to celebrate my Grandpa's life, I just started crying.  I was able to get through the rest of the prayer, and my Mom said it was beautiful, so I will just hope that it really was.  Grandpa knew that I loved him, so I hope he felt it that day.

Aunt Lori gave the life sketch, which was so well done.  I want a copy of it because there were lots of stories I had never heard before.  Mom gave memories of Grandpa, which was also beautifully done.  It was such a great tribute to her father and all that she learned from him.  A group of men (including my Dad, Uncle, cousins, and Mom's cousins) then sang a beautiful medley.  I don't think there was a dry eye in the room.  Aunt Kathy then shared more memories of Grandpa, and although a few overlapped with my Mom's, they were given from a different perspective and so tenderly delivered.  To conclude the service, the Bishop of the ward gave an emotional message.  He was a teenager when Grandpa was in the Bishopric, and he spoke so highly of Grandpa and the influence he had on him.  Bishop Crook said he always admired Grandpa and his family, and that he always encouraged him to go on a mission.  This was especially critical for him because his own father wasn't active in the church.  His memories of Grandpa were so tender, and you could tell how grateful he was for Grandpa's influence on his life. I loved hearing this side of Grandpa that I never really knew.  I never knew that he served in a Bishopric, and I was proud of him for influencing the youth of his ward.

The whole funeral service was so beautiful and I loved that it focused on the love we all had for Grandpa.  Sometimes church funerals can feel like a church service when it focused so heavily on a spiritual message, but I loved having the focus be on Grandpa, the life he lived, and the way he touched our lives for good.

We followed the pallbearers outside as they loaded the casket, and then we took a few family pictures of Mom with all her cousins, and then a picture of me with mine.

In addition to Grandpa's daughters, he also had a son named Kirk.  He passed away in 2004 (I think,) so I haven't seen his kids for years.  I am friends with his middle child, Nicona, on Facebook, so I am somewhat familiar with her life events, etc, but I was really happy that she came to the funeral.  She had posted during the week that she was sad that "her last connection to her Dad was gone", and I imagine that was such a weird feeling for her.  I was glad that so many family members went out of their way to talk to her, her husband, and her son Blaze.  

Aunt Kathy's kids (Brittany, Eric, and Adam), and Aunt Lori's kids (Amy and Parker) were also there.   We were missing a few people, but here was our cousin picture...

As we headed to the Etna Cemetery (just down with road), I put on another pair of socks!  I was seriously nervous about how cold it was. I had thick tights and wool socks, but my toes were just SO freezing!  I asked my Mom how long she thought it took to get hypothermia, haha.

I had tears in my eyes as I watched these guys carry the casket across the snowy ground. We later all commented what a tender mercy it was to have the sun shining brightly down on us.  It definitely made the chilly 8 degrees more bearable.

Grandpa's three loving daughters...

After the grave dedication (by Uncle Donn), the honor guard performed the 21 gun salute.  It was a beautiful tribute, but the most emotional part for me was when a few members of the guard came and folded the flag that was draped across Grandpa's casket.

They presented the folded flag to Aunt Kathy, and it was such an emotional moment for so many of us.  On behalf of the President, he thanked her for her father's service. 

The pallbearers placed their roses along the top of the casket, and the sisters embraced.  They did such a beautiful job honoring their father and I know Grandpa would have been pleased.

I didn't get to attend Grandma's funeral since Colby was only 3 weeks old, so it was nice to see their headstone and be reminded of their eternal sealing in the temple, I am sure their reunion was a joyous one. 

Kirk was also buried at the end of their plot, so I know Nicona was glad to see her Dad's grave as well.  We took a few pictures together, but I never got those from Brittany. We took a few more together, then headed back to the church for a lunch the Relief Society prepared for us.  It really was such a nice meal and gave all the family a nice chance to just sit and visit with each other.

Before we left Etna, we drove down "the lane" and looked at Grandma and Grandpa's house. I have no idea if I will ever come here again, so it was a pretty emotional drive.  The whole weekend was emotional, can you tell? I have so many fond memories of this house and will always remember the summertime spent there. (It obviously looked a lot different in the summer months with their garden and flowers all growing!)

The view looking up the lane...

We took MANY walks up that lane to get the mail at the small post office, to play at the school park, or to stretch our legs after dinner.

Along our drive back to Utah, Uncle Dean humored me and pulled off the road so I could take one more picture.  This was at the top of a peak, and I couldn't get enough of the gorgeous views.  You can't see the glistening snow in pictures, but in person, it was spectacular.

We made it to the Robinsons about 7 PM, then headed out to dinner at Zupa's.  The food was mediocre, but the company was great :)  The Nimmers also went with us, so it was fun spending more time with my cousins and their kids.

After dinner, we played games till probably 11 and then we were all beat. Game playing is something our family LOVES, so it only seemed fitting that our day end in that manner.

On Sunday, we went to Sacrament meeting with the Robinsons, then headed back to their house for a nice meal before they shuttled me up to the airport. The Robinsons have always shown me so much kindness.  During my BYU days, they would have me over for Sunday dinners, and they even let me live with them for 6 months before Kevin and I got married.   They loved Kevin from day one, and welcomed him with open arms.  Whenever I have gone back to Utah, they have always offered to host me and my family. I have totally appreciated this hospitality and feel that I have a close bond with them because of the way they always make me feel welcomed and loved.

Amy walked in right as we were taking our Sunday pictures, so thankfully she is in this one :)  She is almost a year younger than me, but we have lots of fun memories together as well during our summer visits.

My three day trip to Utah passed quickly, but I will always be grateful for the opportunity I had to go. I am grateful that Kevin and Bev took care of everything at home so that I didn't have to worry! Mom and Dad even ended up paying for my flight (which I wasn't expecting), so it wasn't a financial hardship at all to be where I wanted to be.  My Mom is such a strength to me, and I think I was able to be a strength (or at least a comfort) for her during an emotional weekend.  

I have so much love for my Grandparents, and I know I will see them again someday.  I know that I will be wrapped in their familiar embrace and for that knowledge, I am so grateful!