new life

On Thursday, just after midnight, I woke up to Kevin answering my phone that was plugged in at my nightstand.  Melanie was calling to let us know that her and Jeff were on their way to the emergency room because she was bleeding a lot.  She was 35 weeks pregnant, and my stomach immediately dropped.  She was, of course, in tears, and we were super concerned.  Jerry and Bev were both out of town (on separate trips), but luckily their neighbor came over to sit at the house while the girls were sleeping.  Kevin told them that I could drive up, but they said that the neighbor was fine for now and that they would keep us updated.  After hanging up, we said a prayer right away.  Since I had been sleeping, I was a bit groggy, but I kept my phone on my pillow so that I would get any updates that they sent. Around 1 AM, we received word that the baby's heart rate was normal, so that was a HUGE relief.  I was so worried that they were going to lose the baby.  

I think I fell into a deep sleep after that because I didn't wake up until 4:45, at which point I saw a text that Melanie was scheduled for a c-section at 5 AM.  I said a quick prayer, decided to jump in the shower, and began making preparations to get to their house by 7 AM so that their sweet neighbor could go home to get her own kids ready for school.  

Since it was so early, I knew I wouldn't be able to make arrangements for Brooke to get to school, so I figured I would just let her skip for the day.  I packed snacks and bags with clothes, etc, then tried to wake Brookie up.  She was out cold, but as soon as I said, "Your baby cousin was born an hour ago", she perked right up and said, "Seriously??"  She then jumped onto her bed and started doing "the shoe," haha. 

I then woke Colby, and loaded everyone into the car.  I tried to get the kids to go back to sleep, but they were much too excited for that.  Brooke kept asking me questions about why baby Peacock was born so early, and I told her that I had no idea.  I gave her a few plausible reasons, but the conversation then turned to how our babies died before they were even born.  I love that she never forgets about our babies, but it was also a hard thing to listen to.  She kept talking to Colby about how we have 4 kids in our family because of our two babies in heaven, and was clarifying that the first baby was a girl and the second a boy.  Again, I love that she doesn't forget about those sweet babies in heaven, but I tried to distance myself a little from the conversation because I knew that it might be a little bit hard to know that if our treatments would have worked, we would also be having a baby at this time.  

Traffic was a pretty good distraction, and since it was rush hour, it took nearly an hour to get there.  But we still made it there shortly after 7, so I felt pretty good about that.  Kinley and Aubrey were already awake, and were very eager to tell us that their baby sister was born.  I talked to Jeff shortly after arriving, and he said he would let me know when it would be a good time to bring the girls to meet their new sister.

The girls were pretty anxious to go to the hospital (especially Kinley), but having cousins to play with was a pretty good distraction. They played for a few hours, so I kept myself busy cleaning Mel's bathroom and room (turns out her water actually broke, but since she had only had scheduled c-sections before, she didn't realize that was what really happened!), doing some laundry, and vacuuming the floors.  The house looked great, but I was just trying to get ahead of the cleaning since I knew Mel would be in the hospital a few days and would be coming home with a newborn.  Almost five weeks early!! Good thing she had the nursery prepared.

When we hadn't heard from Jeff for a few hours, I tried to distract the girls by playing hair salon.  They always love when I fix their hair, so I figured this would be a fun way to pass the time...

Jeff called about noon to say that we could come visit, so we quickly piled into our car and drove over to Grapevine. Can you tell that they were a little excited about riding in the car together?

As we parked, I called Jeff and let him know that he could take the girls in ahead of us so that they had a little bit of family time before we joined them, and I think that was best. When Jeff came out to get us, we walked into the room and when I saw their perfect baby girl asleep on Melanie's lap, I just started crying.  I wasn't expecting it to hit me so hard, but it did and I just kept saying how perfect she was.  I think Mel knew that it was a hard moment for me, and with tears in her eyes as well, she just rubbed my arm.  It truly was a tender moment to see that perfect baby asleep on her lap, when hours before we were all fearful that her life would somehow be lost. God really is a God of miracles, and this sweet baby was a testament to that.

After I had a good cry, I was totally fine and was able to help all the kids hold the beautiful (unnamed) baby. I mean, how adorable...

This smile from Kinley is the most genuine I have ever captured in a picture.

Seeing Brooke hold her was, again, a little bittersweet.  She has the sweetest mama heart and is SO good with babies.  I wanted this blessing for her so badly, but I guess she will just have to love on her baby cousin.

The baby was doing so well, and everything seemed absolutely perfect.

As we left, I took a quick picture of the big kids, who seemed that much bigger after holding a 6 pound, 1 ounce baby.

These four are the best and love each other so much..

I took them to IN-N-Out for lunch, which they loved.  People kept looking at me and my four children, and I just let them watch me with my brood, haha. It was a beautiful Spring day, so we headed to a park in Grapevine. It was also a botanical garden, so the grounds were beautiful.

After spending probably 3 hours outside, we headed back to the Peacocks house to veg! Colby snuggled right up to Kinley and made himself comfortable, haha.  I was in no rush to get home, so I planned on staying with the girls until Jerry or Bev could take over.

Jerry had changed his flight and flew back to Dallas around 11 that morning, and Bev came home early from her trip and landed about 3 PM at Dallas Love Field.  Jerry picked her up and headed to the hospital to meet their newest grand baby, but within minutes of them getting to meet her, a NICU nurse came to take her for more testing.  I guess she had failed her last two glucose blood tests, so they were keeping her in the NICU for a day or two.  I was really grateful that we met her hours earlier, because baby Peacock ended up staying in the NICU for the next 6 days.  That was pretty stressful for Mel because she needed to be in the NICU every 3 hours for feeding, which took over an hour, which really only left her an hour to get back to her room and try to rest before the next feeding.  But, we were all just thankful that she was here safe and sound and that there weren't any major complications.

At some point during the week, they settled on the name Emery, with a middle name of Dale (Jeff's middle name), and they were able to take her home on Thursday afternoon. On Saturday, we stopped by and spent a few hours at their house.  This was Uncle Kevin's first time meeting and holding her...

She was just as precious as she was on day one :)

Colby was nervous to hold her in the hospital, but he had been practicing at home with Brooke's baby Chloe.  I sent Mel a picture of him practicing, so she said he could be the first one to hold her.  You could tell that he felt pretty special about that, but when it came down to holding her, he didn't want to!  By the end of the evening, he had changed his mind.  The whole encounter was just about the sweetest thing.  

My heart literally melted...

We are all quite smitten with her and are looking forward to more baby snuggles!

candy canes

Years ago,  I started following a blog called Secondhand Sandwich.  The blogger writes about life, and sometimes her posts completely resonate with me.  She posted this in December, and since I was still in my grieving process about our failed fertility treatments, I appreciated the lesson.  I have been thinking about it again recently, and figured I should post her words in their entirety so I can reference them later. In a nutshell, trials are necessary to shape us into who we are meant to be. It is only through the trials (and the "heat" and uncomfortable growing) that we will be molded into the person our Father in Heaven wants us to become. 

My kids love to watch the How Things are Made videos on YouTube. We’ve watched how cake sprinkles, peanut butter, jars of honey, and more all came to be. Recently, we watched how candy canes are made. I’m not going to lie; I was unprepared for the drama.

1. Boil sugar, water, and corn syrup in a giant kettle until you have a huge, sticky blob.
2. Throw blob on a big slab. Fold peppermint-flavored starch in evenly with a mechanical plunger and mechanical shovels. (Did you know there are mechanical plungers and shovels? I didn’t. They look like torture devices used to seduce spies into giving up their secrets.)
3. Transfer minty blob to the automated pullers, where it will be repeatedly stretched around a metal post until it is properly aerated. (Actually, the automated pullers make the mechanical plungers look like child’s play.)
4. Roll the candy into a 100-lb log and heat until pliable. (Now, a log as big as a small human is going to have to endure some major force to become as skinny as a pencil.)
5. Wrap sheets of red candy around the log. (This is the only nice thing the sugar blob ever experiences, in my opinion. One crimson hug before we get down to business.)
6. Simultaneously roll/torch the log until it is candy cane width. (Trial by fire. Fire necessary for pliability.)
7. Shove the thin candy rope through a series of wheels and two angled belts to twist it, and then chop it to candy cane size with a chain of knives. (Mylanta! A “chain of knives”? Was Willy Wonka a confectioner or a psychopath? Give me the mechanical plunger after all!)
8. Gift wrap. A roll of cellophane unwinds and a device wraps it around the sticks. One final blast of hot air shrinks the cellophane on the end of the sticks.

At this point the narrator of the video says, "This production has been perfectly choreographed."

You might be thinking the same thing I was thinking: “PERFECTLY CHOREOGRAPHED? For the love! When do these sweet and weary travelers become actual curved candy canes? How much more can they endure?”

Never fear. They have arrived. A machine called a crooker neck quickly bends the ends before they cool off. Complete with their signature look, they are laid to rest on a conveyor belt. An overhead mechanical arm grabs and lifts the canes, cradles them (and hopefully sings a lullaby to erase their memory about the chain of knives), and delivers them to the safety of a cardboard box. Heavens to Betsy. All this for a ten-cent breath mint.

I had one singular takeaway from this educational video. I couldn’t help but think of the scripture in the Book of Mormon that talks about faith:

And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith. (Ether 12:6)

Or, if you are a candy stick on a long, mortal, candy cane journey: dispute not because ye bend not, for ye receive no crook until after the trial of your faith.

Don't we all, in the midst of difficulty, want to ask, "Lord, please just let this end and make me a candy cane now." But He's trying to tell us, "If I bend you now, without fire, you'll snap and it will all be for naught. Just trust me on this one. It's going to be worth it."

I believe we will end up becoming what the Lord promises we can be. I believe our individual journeys are perfectly choreographed. I also know the choreography is often uncomfortable. From my own past I've learned the pain of being mechanically plunged, torched, or twisted is a sign of progress—each transformative step is critical in approaching the faith trial finish line. Just keep sticking it out! The Lord's outstretched arm will stay you.

I heard someone ask, “What does your faith look like when life is hard? And what does it look like when life is convenient?” I’m still processing those questions, but, for me, faith-building seems easier when life is hard.

allowing the mess

This is really difficult for me, but I am trying to allow the mess that comes with creative play!  I have been trying to organize random parts of the house, and when I pulled the toddler mattress out from under Colby's bed, he was super excited to play on it.  That led to me pulling the other toddler mattress from the closet, and those soon became pirate ships.  I can't remember where Kevin was on that Saturday, but I was able to get a ton of stuff done around the house while the kids literally played for 8 hours together!!  I absolutely loved hearing their chatter and creative ideas flow.  Every time I checked on them, the mess was getting bigger and bigger, but I simply told them not to forget that they would need to clean it all up when they were done. They assured me that they would, and kept on their merry way.  It really made my Mama heart so happy that they could play together for such an extended period of time without a single fight.  They really only came to me when they were hungry, which was a miracle. 

This picture was taken early on, before the mess multiplied, but I really liked the owl on his perch :)

Before bed, I helped them clean up a lot of the scattered mess, but I did let them leave out their main set-up.  

The next day was Sunday, and their love for each other continued.  Kevin was off at a Ward Conference, but as we got out of the car, they grabbed hands and my heart was full.  They held hands all the way into church, which gave me the perfect opportunity to capture the moment. Nothing is better than sibling love.

After church, they were back in the loft to continue their play. This time, with the addition of a fort.  (Brooke even carried all those chairs in herself!)

 I have so much love for these littles, and I hope that their bond always runs deep.

children's museum

When your friend offers free passes to the Children's Museum of History and Science in Fort Worth, you immediately respond to the group message!  We hadn't been to the museum for a few years, and since Brooke had another day off school, we had the perfect opportunity to go enjoy that time together.  I worried that it might be busy since school was out, but it definitely was not. 

Colby loved the huge dinosaur in the entry.

We spent the majority of our time in the Innovation Studio part of the museum...

Outings like this remind me how grateful I am that my kids have each other, a build-in playmate, a best friend for life. 

The dinosaur section was new since we last visited, and it was also a highlight.  Colby's foot inside a dinosaur track...

In this area, each screen allowed you to decorate a different "layer" of the dinosaur, all in real time.  Technology is pretty amazing!

Then it was on to the dinosaur dig!  This is what Brooke remembered most about our last visit.  Colby was a baby at the time so he didn't have his own memories of the activity, but I did tell him a little story about our last visit.  I was sitting on the ground with him in front of me.  He was kicking his chubby legs in the sand as we watched Brooke and Kevin dig for fossils.  I moved around to the front of him to take a picture when I noticed that he had something in his mouth.  I quickly put my fingers in there to grab whatever it was, and it was a big ROCK!  I have no idea how he even found it, let alone how he put it in his mouth without me noticing, but it was a pretty scary mom moment!

Things were different this visit, haha.  They worked independently for a long time and their different personalities really shone through.  Brooke slowly and carefully brushed and dusted off sections of the fossils.  Colby wanted to quickly uncover them with dog-like digging, haha, which of course bothered Brooke.

We spent a little time in the Natural Resource section, but it wasn't quite as interesting to the kids to learn about wind and water power, or about digging the Barnett Shoal. 

I kind of thought they were too big for the play area, but of course they wanted to check it out...

A lot of the costumes and accessories for each section were missing, but looking back, it was probably because of the whole coronavirus scare (more on that later).   The kids still enjoyed that section, but we definitely didn't stay there for long.        
 
We quickly walked through the Cattle Raisers museum, which was "dedicated to preserving and celebrating the vital history of the cattle industry."  The take home for my kids was that those poor cows had to be branded, even though the museum employee tried to tell us that it didn't hurt them because of their thick skin.  Not sure I buy that :/

As we walked down the final corridor, the paintings started talking to us.  Of course, I knew it was motion activated, but Brooke and Colby were pretty amazed by the whole thing.  They kept walking back to pictures and waiting for it to talk to them.

We checked out the Launchpad (space) section, which was seriously cool. My favorite was this display showing plasma energy, as shown through those glowing fingertips.

We were a little rushed through this exhibit so we could get to the planetarium show, but we still took a quick picture on the moon :)

The planetarium show, which we had to pay extra for, was a flop.  The guide was super dry, and the explanation of each constellation took FOREVER!  Poor Colby was bored out of his mind, and I didn't really blame him.  I was relieved when the whole thing was over and decided that we definitely wouldn't do portion again. 

The real highlight was spending over an hour building with these foam pieces in a totally deserted children's area.  My littles could have stayed another 45 minutes until the museum closed, but I was starving and wanted to leave.  We had packed a lunch, but the kids were having such a blast in the museum that they hadn't even asked to go back to the car for a snack.  That really tells you how much they were enjoying themselves because it's rare for my kids to not need a snack! 

I was super grateful to my friend, Liz Harrison, for giving us these passes and allowing us to have such an awesome (and educational) day together!!

love day

On the 13th of February, this sweet girl took valentines for her class.  A few weeks prior, while getting passport pictures at Walgreens, she had picked out candy bracelets for her classmates.  We sort of procrastinated on the tag making, but a few days before her class party, I found the cutest tags on Pinterest.  I showed them to Brooke and she wasn't thrilled with them.  Her comment was something along the lines of, "I wanted something more simple." We perused Pinterest together, but nothing she liked was free, so I was getting frustrated.  I told her I would continue to look while she worked on something else, but I said several times that I wasn't going to waste a lot of time searching.  While I continued to search, she yelled from the kitchen, "I can just use that other one, Mama, so you don't have to waste your time."  Wow, I felt like the meanest Mom ever!  I immediately regretted telling her that it was a waste of my time, and ended up just creating something myself that she absolutely loved.  Hopefully she will remember that I created something just for her rather than me telling her I was wasting my time :(

Of course, she loved her class party and came home with all sorts of goodies and prizes.  Colby was super jealous of her loot, but thankfully, she was really sweet about sharing with him. That night, as I was preparing a valentine for each of the kids, Kevin went into the garage and came back in with roses for me and this huge gift basket for Brooke.  The gas station next to Certifit was selling gift baskets for $20, and when he checked his wallet, he only had $13.  He asked them what he could get for that amount, and they sold him this cute basket.  It had a teddy bear, a body care set (lotion, body wash, and a loofah), and some candy.  

I asked him what he bought for Colby, and he said he thought V-day was more a day for him to buy something for his girls.  I knew that Colby would definitely feel sad, so I helped him create this candy bouquet for the little guy with candy we had in our pantry.  And you know what, Brooke was sort of jealous about his huge candy bars, haha.  But she was over the moon with her gift basket.

The little heart bags were from me, and were pretty simple.  Brooke received a gold headband, a gold friendship bracelet (I was super excited about this one since I got the other half, haha!), and a big container of Tic Tacs.  Colby's bag had the yo-yo he was wanting, and Tic Tacs.

On Friday the 14th, Brooke had the day off school, so we headed to the library for story time with friends. Her new teddy bear had to be in the picture as well :)

Story time was fun as usual, and the craft afterwards was valentine themed.  Bring on ALL the hearts!!

Colby has recently become very meticulous about his artwork, and his finished product was beautiful and is currently on display on the fridge.

Our friends Liam, Luca, and their mom Ashley met us at story time, but as they parked their car at the library, their car stopped working.  They had taken it back and forth to the dealership like 3 times recently, so to say that she was frustrated would be an understatement.  But since we didn't have plans for the day, we were able to help :) After calling the tow truck, we spent an hour or more in the children's section (to kill time), then moved their car seats into our car, piled in together, and headed to Chick-fil-A for lunch.  We took our time at lunch, let the kids play in the indoor play area for a while, then finally made our way to the dealership where they were given a loaner car. It was a fun impromptu day spent together with friends!

On Saturday, since Jerry and Bev were watching Kinley and Aubrey for the weekend, they offered for us to bring the kids up so the cousins could all play together and we could go on a date.  We definitely took them up on the offer!  The kids had a blast playing together, and Kevin and I ate dinner at one of our our favorite places, Mi Cocina.  Their brisket tacos are always delicious, and it had been a long time since we'd been there.  After dinner, we shopped a bit, which was a nice break from our normal routine together.

I'm grateful for the loves in my life!!