Two Month Snapshot

We took Brooke to church at 5 weeks and Kevin jokes that Brooke was crying because she hates Sunday pictures too!  I was pretty nervous about taking her because I didn't want people to hold her, I wasn't sure how she would do in that setting, etc, but she was either awake and content, or sleeping in my arms. And nobody asked to hold her, which was a relief. The next week, I was a little less uptight and I let one of my young women hold her :)

 She still sleeps quite a bit during the day, and is starting to go one long stretch (4-5 hrs)  at night so I am feeling more rested.  I have really had to adjust my expectations of what I can accomplish during the day though because if she is awake, I like to play with her, and more often than not, she falls asleep in my arms and takes her naps there.  This is probably breaking all the sleep training rules, but I love that time with her!  It still is a bit surreal that she is our little girl.  Of course there are nights when I lose my patience because she is screaming and I can't figure out how to help her, but those nights are usually followed by a really great day, so it balances out in an emotional sense, haha.

 This picture cracks me up! She has started to gain more weight and I can definitely see it in her tummy and cheeks. 

 She is just starting to smile, and I swear, it took me a million pictures on both my camera and phone until I was finally able to catch it!! Pretty darn cute if you ask me :)

One Month Snapshot

Brooke had her first real bath on day 11 since her cord fell off on day 10.  Using the Puj Tub was not a good idea in the kitchen sink, but Brooke actually seemed to be enjoying the bath until she pooped in the water and we had to take her out into the cool air!  She let us know very quickly that she was unhappy, haha.  We now use that tub in our bathroom sink, Brooke hasn't pooped in the tub since, and she really seems to like the warm bathes :)

Here are a few of my favorite pics during Brooke's first month of life...

Father's Day at Our House

Since our little one arrived early, Kevin was able to celebrate Father's Day as an official daddy :) It has been so fun to watch Kevin in his new role.  He has always been leery of holding small babies, and although he is still very cautious with Brooke, he enjoys holding and caring for her. Nothing is better than seeing the man you love holding his little girl as she sleeps in his arms. I have asked Kevin a million times if he just loves Brooke (because I have moments where it just hits me), and of course he answers yes. 

It was so nice to have both of our dads with us as well.  I really can't remember the last time I was with my dad on this special day.  Probably 10 years ago when I was home from college for the summer!  We had a delicious dinner and Bev and Melanie were awesome and brought yummy food so we didn't have to do much.  Brooke spent dinner in the swing, but was passed around the rest of the evening by the family.

First Week of Life

Our first week home with Brooke was both amazing, and a little anxiety-filled!  It was hard to believe that we were parents, and that our lives were completely focused on this one little darling girl :)  She was so incredibly sweet and loved to just be held.  Between Kevin, my mom, and I, she was getting lots of loves!  I felt so lucky because she just seemed so content all the time.  I would feed her every 3 hours, which took about 40 minutes, then I would pump, and then we would use the pumped milk to supplement her feedings via syringe.  This was the anxiety-filled part!  We had gone back to the doctor on Wednesday and Brooke had dropped to 6 lbs, 14 ounces (she was 7 lbs 0.5 ounces when we were discharged).  We were meeting with the nurse practitioner since our doctor was on vacation, and she was not my favorite.  She was, of course, super concerned, and was pressuring us to supplement her feedings with formula or go to a lactation consultant.  Although I understand that weight is important, I felt that Brooke was latching on and feeding perfectly, she was super content, and my milk hadn't come in until Monday evening, so we had only given Brooke 36 hours to pork up!  We were told that we had to come back the next day for another weight check to ensure that her weight either stayed the same, or increased.  Well, the next 24 hours were spent doing the same...feedings and supplementing when Brooke could barely keep her eyes open.  We often had to wake her up to feed her on the 3 hour marks, and by the time we got to the syringe feedings, she was asleep again and I feared that she was aspirating the milk.  

So we go back to see the nurse (Leslie) on Thursday, and Brooke was at 6 lbs, 15 ounces.  She had gained an ounce, and I was thrilled :)  I felt some huge relief, and a sense of accomplishment, haha.  Unfortunately, Leslie was still not satisfied and continued to lecture me about how she had lost so much weight since she was born, and brought up the lactation consultant again.  Long story short, she was super condescending to us, and when I assured her that the breastfeeding was going well, she told me that I "seemed pretty confident for a first time mom".  I wanted to hit her in the face, but instead I started to cry.  I was hormonal, going on random chunks of sleep, and I was frustrated.  I really felt like Leslie was making the week unpleasant, when really, I wished I would have just trusted my instincts and not let her ramblings get to me. 

That afternoon, we got home, and as my mom and I were getting lunch ready, Kevin took Brooke out of her carseat and was just holding her close to him.  I went over to talk to him and he just looked at me and said, "Our daughter is perfect, and you are doing an awesome job."  Best thing he could have said to me!!  Of course I cried again, and was emotional the rest of the day.  I would just be holding her, and would tear up, haha.  

We went back on Friday and Brooke had gained again and was at 7 lbs, 0.5 ounces.  This appointment was just a weight check so we weren't going to meet with Leslie, but as we were at the scale, she walked past and asked about her weight.  Her response was "We did it.", and then she corrected herself (thankfully) and said, "Well, you did it."  Yes, we did, no thanks to her! Our next appointment wasn't until the next Wednesday, and we were going to be with the pediatrician, Dr. Joki, who I love.

The week in pictures... Her first sponge bath.

I can't say enough about my mom.  She was the most amazing help ever and I don't think we could have done it without her.  She was constantly doing things for us, whether it was grocery shopping, cooking, bringing me water, keeping me company while I was nursing Brooke, cleaning my house, feeding me sandwiches while I was nursing, holding Brooke at all hours of the night, coming downstairs every few hours to help us with feedings, running a bath for me, etc.  She was a rock star, and we basically had an open door policy to our bedroom so she could come and go and help us as needed.  Kevin even told me several times throughout my mom's 3 week stay that my mom was awesome.  Kevin was able to stay home that first week with us, but once he went back to work, I really appreciated the help.

Bev was also able to come a few nights during Brooke's first few weeks of life.  She was a huge help and was always willing to take a turn during the middle of the night when Brooke just wanted to be held and I just needed to sleep, haha.  Brooke is definitely lucky to have 2 grandmas (and grandpas) that love her so much!!

My dad flew in exactly a week after Brookie was born and he was so excited to meet his first granddaughter.  The above picture is the first time he held her :)

Just for the sake of documentation (since this is my journal), MY healing was not going so well!  I was in A LOT of pain and was really struggling with managing it.  I had pain meds, but I had since run out of those amazing ice pads, the numbing spray, and the sitz bathes were only helping so much.  Friday morning I was changing Brooke's diaper and my mom happened to walk in to check on us, and I told her how much pain I was in.  She suggested that I call my doctor, which I did, and they told me that if I came that MINUTE, the doctor could see me.  If not, the doctor would be in surgery and I would have to wait until Monday.  I was conflicted because it was time to feed Brooke, I hadn't showered, and I didn't really want to leave Brooke.  BUT, I was struggling, so I decided to wake Kevin up to take me to the doctor, and my mom would stay with Brooke and try to give her a bottle of my pumped milk (which went flawlessly).  I am definitely glad I went because the doctor confirmed that i was still really swollen and bruised, and that she could see which sutures were bothering me.  I had two options.  She could clip the sutures and I would feel relief (but the "integrity of the stitches would be compromised"), or I could tough it out and hope it feels better with more meds, spray, and ice packs.  I opted for the later, and although it still took weeks of healing, all those extra things helped :)  And of course, this sweet little baby was a constant reminder that it was all worth it!

She's here!!!

Our baby girl arrived on Saturday, June 8, 2013 at 6:45 am.  My due date was June 17th, but apparently she wanted to come a little early :)  Everything happened so quickly, and looking back, the whole experience was nothing like I expected.  I had been feeling so great all week, and honestly, had a lot of energy.  Thursday afternoon I had gone to the doctor and when she checked me, I was 70% effaced and about 1 cm dilated.  This is exactly where i was the week before, and the doctor told me she would be "extremely surprised" if anything happened in the next week.  (She knew that my mom was coming from CA and that I was worried about going into labor before she got here on the 15th.) That night, i started feeling flu-like symptoms (body aches, chills, low-grade fever), but this had happened several times the last month of my pregnancy and the doctor said i probably was just picking up germs from the kids I was working with.  I went to bed early on Thursday, and Friday morning I was miserable.  I could hardly walk because I had so much pressure in my lower abdomen and back.  I literally slept all day.  I would wake up every 2 hours to pee, then would crawl straight back in bed.  I really thought I had some type of flu, but i was amazed at the complete lack of energy to even get up to get a drink!! I talked to my mom several times throughout the day, and of course she was concerned and kept asking, "Do you think you are going into labor??".  I really didn't think so, especially because I had not had ANY contractions.  When i woke up at 7 from one of my naps, I was feeling a lot of cramping.  I immediately called my mom to ask what contractions felt like.  When she said they basically felt like bad menstrual cramps, I felt pretty confident that I needed to call Kevin, who was still at work.  I tried not to panic, but told Kevin that I "thought" i might be in labor, that he needed to come home, and that I also needed a Jamba Juice because I hadn't eaten much all day.  Kevin quickly left work, but told me to start timing what we thought were contractions since he knew that was important, haha.  When he got home about 8 with my smoothie, I was in a lot of pain.  I was timing the contractions on my iPad app, and they were 2-3 minutes apart and lasted about 30-40 seconds each.  Kevin said that one of the main things he remembered from our childbirtth class was that when the contractions were 5 minutes apart, it was go-time!!  So maybe we were already behind schedule, haha.  We got out our booklet to confirm this info, haha, then called the hospital.  When we called, they encouraged us to stay at home since the contractions were less than a minute in length.  The nurse explained that until they were longer, they wouldn't be doing much to my cervix to progress the labor.  I just felt confused, and worried because I was in a lot of pain and I just felt lousy! I didn't even want to drink my smoothie, haha.

Kevin was trying so hard to just sit by me and be supportive, but nothing was helping.  When i got up to pee (AGAIN) about 9, I passed the mucous plug.  In my mind, I thought, OK, this for sure means I need to go to the hospital.  I know it sounds silly, but this kind of gave me affirmation that I really was in labor since I was experiencing everything for the first time.  (I later found out that some women lose their plug a month before they actually go into labor...so it really didn't mean much!)  Well, we called my doctor, who happened to be off that weekend, so we got the on-call doctor.  He said that since i could talk through the contractions (barely), that it probably wasn't time yet, but he was a bit concerned about the fever...so he encouraged me to go get checked at the hospital.  It was just crazy that it was time to go to the hospital.  I mean, i had my bags packed for weeks, the car seat was installed, and i thought i had everything ready at the house...but was I ready??  We hadn't even decided for sure on a name!!  But as Kev and I were getting our bags, we just looked at each other and Kevin goes, "So, should we name her Brooke?", and it just felt right, so I said yes :)

We got to the hospital at 9:45 pm and headed up to triage.  I looked pretty bad, which is how I felt, but the nurse was awesome.  She confirmed that I had a fever, and she was worried because the baby's heart rate was in the 170's (normally in the 140's), indicating that she was in a bit of distress.  She checked me a little after 10, and i was at a 2 and about 80% effaced. The nurse said that they wouldn't admit me based on my labor progression, but that they might admit me based on the fever, etc.  She ran blood work, urine samples, and gave me some pain meds and fluids through an IV.  The results of the tests came back at midnight, indicating that I had a bladder infection, which is why i was feeling so ill.  She checked me again, and i was at 4 cm dilated.  So, they would admit me on both accounts :)

They wheeled me over to Labor and Delivery, and hooked me up to all the monitors.  Baby's heart rate was still elevated, and the contractions were getting worse by the minute!  I had talked with my doctor about trying to deliver without an epidural, but of course everyone kept asking me if I was ready for my epidural.  I told my L & D nurse that I wanted to go as long as I could without an epidural, and she seemed supportive, but when the anesthesiologist stopped by the room, he wasn't as understanding.  He asked me if I had a "magic number" (referring to the pain scale) that I was hoping to get to before getting my epidural.  He was a bit condescending, but in the end, I told him to go help the other woman down the hall and come back and check on me.  The nurse, seeing my in obvious pain, kept reassuring me that I was sick (remember the bladder infection) on top of the fact that I was in labor, so it was perfectly fine to get an epidural.  I knew this, and in a way I guess it was nice to hear that she understood how crappy I felt, but I really wanted to do this!  Well, the contractions were getting worse, and I labored for a while on a huge yoga ball shaped like a peanut (which was awesome!) while Kevin and the nurse took turns pushing on my lower back through the contractions.  Kevin jokes that he had never heard me make such crazy noises, but I had no shame because that was the hardest thing I have ever done!  It was so weird, because as I was on the peanut ball, and as I pushed through contractions, I literally felt like I could feel myself dilating.  Sorry if this is too much info!  I told the nurse that I knew I sounded crazy, but that I could feel myself dilating, A LOT.  She said that some women say that, but I don't think she took me that seriously.

At 2 am, when the anesthesiologist stopped by the room again, I decided that I was ready for the epidural.  The contractions were really bad and I wasn't sure how much longer I could do it.  So, back to the bed I went so he could prep me for the epidural.  It wasn't as painful as I imagined, and honestly, the worst part was trying to sit still through the contractions while the nurse let me squeeze her hands.  Once it was placed, he commented that there was a vein in my epidural space, so he needed to move it a bit to the right.  Awesome, right?  So, that was a bit more painful when he removed the epidural and moved it over.  Then, he told me that I might not be as numb on the left side, but that hopefully, if they propped me on my side, gravity would get to work and help numb the left side.  Well, gravity didn't exactly deliver, because I could definitely feel a lot more on the left.  After he left (about 20 minutes later), the nurse checked me and I was at a 10!!  What?? I couldn't believe it.  I had basically gone from 4 cm to 10 cm in 2 hours, and I find this out after having the epidural!  I was mad at first, and Kevin reminded me that he had asked me if it would help to know where I was at (referring to dilation) before deciding whether or not to get the epidural.  I remember him asking me this the first time the anesthesiologist came in, but it didn't really sink in by 2 am.  Dumb, i know, but I was in pain and not thinking clearly.  In the end, I am still glad I got it because they wanted me to wait until the baby's head was farther down, which was another hour or so, and as least i was in less pain during the wait.  A little after 4 am, the doctor came in to break my water and they didn't have me start pushing for almost an hour.  I could still feel the contractions during this time, but obviously they were much more mild that before, and for that I was grateful! Once they determined that it was time to push, Kevin was assigned to my right leg (which was numb and felt like 300 lbs of dead weight), and the nurse manned my left leg.  I couldn't feel much, but when we saw a contraction on the monitors, my "assistants" helped me through the pushing process.  My friend Joanna had recommended that I ask for the mirror to be brought in so that I could watch my progress, which I did.  Although it wasn't a pretty picture, it helped A LOT so that I could see what was going on for myself.  This might be more info than you wanted, (but if you have read this far, you wanted details, haha) but when the head started crowning, we were shocked at how much dark hair she had!!  The doctor even twisted a little bit of her hair into a little "alfalfa" spike on the top of her head.  It was kinda funny, but also kinda weird.  I was pushing for almost 2 hours before the doctor said it was time for the "final push".  It all happened so quickly, but i pushed, all of a sudden the baby was out and the doctor plopped her on my chest, and Kevin cut the cord.  Such a crazy moment!! Our baby was actually here.  Of course I cried, and I just kept looking at the baby, and up at Kevin (who may have also had tears in his eyes).  It is hard to explain how beautiful that moment was.  We had waited a long time for this miracle, and here she was!

The not-so-beautiful part:  I tore pretty bad, and after 45 minutes of sewing me up, the doctor explained what had happened, what he did to try to fix the situation, and that I shouldn't look "down there" for a few weeks.  Comforting, right?  Especially when the nurses who were cleaning me up echoed the same sentiment!  I never thought I would be so grateful for ginormous ice packs, numbing spray, pain meds, and a squirt bottle to spray myself after going to the bathroom.  My friends who have had children had made mention of such things, but now I know first hand!

My first picture with our baby girl :)

It is funny to look at this picture now because Brooke looks so swollen and chubby!

When Brooke was taken to the nursery, Kevin went along and watched from the window.  Although it was weird to be left alone in the room, I was very glad that Kevin was keeping an eye on our baby.

The first family picture :)  I was hoping to look a little more put-together, but at that moment, I didn't even care!

Jerry and Bev had stayed the night in the waiting area (and actually had come back from a trip when they heard I wasn't feeling well), so they were the first ones to meet Brooke.  For some reason I don't have a picture of Bev, but she was definitely there.

Melanie and Jeff picked my mom up at the airport on their way down to the hospital, which was so sweet.  Kevin had called my parents the night before, and had updated the fam with text messages all night.  My mom jumped on a plane first thing in the morning, but unfortunately she didn't make it for the birth.  But she was there within a few hours, and she was super happy to meet her first grandbaby!

Auntie Mel and Uncle Jeff with their new niece:

The first diaper change...

If Kevin looks completely exhausted, it's because he was.  We obviously didn't sleep the night I was in labor, and her first night in the hospital was a bit rough.  All day Saturday she had been sleeping and low maintenance, but that night, I am pretty sure she hardly slept.  Between all the nurses coming in to check on me and Brooke, and the fact that the breastfeeding was not going so well, we were all a bit frustrated by morning.  Brooke was latching on okay from the beginning, but she just seemed super frustrated by early evening, like she wasn't getting anything out.  The first nurse explained that she was getting the colostrum, and that since her tummy was so small, she didn't need much.  But when the nurses changed at 7, things went downhill.  This nurse was VERY concerned about Brooke getting dehydrated, becoming jaundiced, and having to stay in the hospital.  She was patient, but looking back, really caused us to be stressed about the whole situation.  We were trying every trick/hold/ etc. the nurse could think of, and Brooke still ended up losing 10% of her body weight by the time we left the hospital.  It was all a bit frustrating because on one hand, they would say that things will get better once my milk comes in (so what were they expecting before that point!!), but on the other hand, were so concerned about the weight loss.  The pediatrician just asked that we bring her in early in the week to monitor the weight.  (I will post later about her first week home.)

This photo was requested by Kevin.  He saw another couple do this and he wanted to be sure that we did it too, haha.

This was Brooke's final check, and then the nurse removed the security device that was attached to her umbilical cord.  It was official, we were taking Brookie home!  The nurse was prepared to push my wheelchair, but Kevin asked if he could do it, which was really sweet :)

Bringing Brooke home...

It is safe to say that we are IN LOVE with our little girl.  I feel like we are a real family now, haha.  Obviously we hope to have more kids one day, but for now, we feel complete.